


No More.

by That_Jett_Kid



Series: CGLRE-Hamilton [11]
Category: Hamilton - Miranda
Genre: Age Regression, Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, CGLRE, Fluff, Modern AU, Multi, Non-Sexual Age Play, Polyamory, Polyhamilsquad, also john is mentioned but he doesn't feature in this, i had to go back and read so much cus i could hardly remember what i've estabblished in this au, idek, its small and probably bad, little alex!, little! thomas, no editing we die like men, oh jeeze i tried, therapeutic age regression
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-09-29
Updated: 2018-09-29
Packaged: 2019-07-19 00:23:31
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,617
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16129739
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/That_Jett_Kid/pseuds/That_Jett_Kid
Summary: The Library was the last straw. ALexnader swore to himself he wouldn't let himself be little.





	No More.

It had been four months since Alexander had regressed, the incident in the library during the storm had left him mortified. He had regressed at school, in the library. Burr had seen him, seen him pissing himself and crying like all because of a fucking storm

This had gone too far. 

The moment he had had the time after that night, he combed through the apartment, pacifiers, stuffed animals, onesies, the godforsaken diapers. Everything. It had all been thrown into the wardrobe of the spare room and Alexander swore to himself that he would not act on those impulses again.

It was pathetic of him really, he was a grown man- he paid his motherfucking taxes. He shouldn’t be acting like a child. No, it was pathetic of him to do so. 

When Laff, Herc and John had come home that afternoon, each seemed to find something off about the apartment, but could not put their fingers on it. Hercules had accused Alexander of moving the furniture an inch to the left to fuck with them all. None of them seemed to notice. Not yet anyway.

  
  


It had been about a week when Laff had brought it up. The two had been cuddling on the couch, their legs intertwined, occasionally a chaste kiss pressed to the others face but the attention returned to the dull crime documentary they were watching. Alexanders fingers had been idly playing with Lafayette's hair when they had broken the quiet. 

“You have not been small of late mon chou,” Their voice was soft, almost a mummer, “Is everything okay?” 

“Yeah,” Alex whispered back, a sinking feeling forming in his gut, “I just don't think I need it, that's all.” Liar. 

Laf’ moved their head from his chest, their brown eyes meeting his. “If you say so.” they paused, trying to find the right words. “But, please know that it is no burden to myself or the others. We love you and that means all of you, every idiotic cell in your body is loved, Alexander.”

Alexander pressed his lips onto theirs, cupping their face so gingerly you would think Laf was made of fine china and not blood and bone.

“I love you.”

Four months since he had regressed, he returned to his habit of pushing down feeling of smallness like vomit after riding a particularly loopy roller coaster. He threw himself into his study, although he had gotten better at self-care. Better at ignoring that little voice that pestered him at all times with the phrase ‘but you could be working’. He was at the top of his class and ahead in his assignments, he could rest, he could eat, he could sleep, he could have fun. He didn’t need to burn himself out. He wasn’t going to lose his scholarship.    
  


Life was good. 

 

Until it wasn’t. 

  
  
  


“Herc’ I don’t see why we need to look after him.” Alexander snapped through mouthfuls of cereal. 

Hercules placed a hand on his hip and huffed a breath before responding, “We’ve been over this, Thomas has had some rough few days and he’s slipped but James needs to work. It’s not as if we haven’t looked after Tommy before. Alex please- “ 

“Alexander.” 

“Alexander, please I get that you don't  _ need _ to regress anymore, I get it. But Thomas does, so please just be civil.” 

Alexander grunted and turned his face back to his cereal. 

 

When James dropped of Tommy, Alexander was still sitting the living area, typing away at some project he was working on. James had only spoken briefly to Herc and quickly left for work, he paid no attention to Hamilton.

“Hey, Buddy!” Hercules grinned at Tommy who had sat himself down in the middle of the living room, “What do ya’ wanna do today?” 

Tommy fiddled with the strings of his hoodie, “Is John gonna be home soon?” 

Herc’ crouched down to get to the little level, “not for a few hours, sorry kiddo.” He patted Tommy on the shoulder, “but I’m sure we can have fun without him, hows Spark doing?” He sat down, groaning as he folded his legs to sis cross-legged- Man! He was in his twenties but somehow he felt like he had the body of an 80-year-old sometimes. 

Tommy riffled through his backpack for a moment before pulling out his stuffie “He’s good! We went to the park the other week and I got to go on the swings and-” 

It went on like that for the next half an hour or so, Tommy talking about everything and anything and Herc nodding along, occasionally asking clarification questions. But around the half an hour mark Tommy kept looking over at Alexander, who was still typing away. 

“Alex…”

 

_ Tap.Tap.Tap. _

 

“Alex!”

 

_ Tap.Tap.Tap. _

 

“Aleeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeex!”

 

“What?” Alexander looked up from his essay, doing his best to stay calm and look at the boy.

 

“Wanna play with me?”  Tommy waved Spark the stuffie at him with an outstretched arm, eyes lighting up as if he had just had just invented the swivel chair.

 

“Sorry Tho- Tommy. But I’m not little, and won't be again and I’m very busy but Herc-” 

 

“Why won't you be little?” Tommy shifted his weight as if the question itself had its own physical mass. 

 

“It’s complicated.” Alexander sighed, taking of his glasses and rubbing at his forehead. 

“Why?” 

“It just is.”   
  


“Is it cus’ of the library?” The insightful little shit. Tommy still stared at Alexander with such innocence and genuine friendliness that it was hard to imagine this as the man that Alexander fought with on a regular base. 

“Yes.” 

“It’s okay.” 

“No, it's not.” Alexander sighed, saved his document and closed his computer. This was what he was worried about. He could feel the slight tingle of littleness under his skin, in his gut, months of repression fighting to get out. “It’s not okay.” 

 

“Why?” 

Herc looked between the two, “Hey Buddy, maybe we should leave Alexander to his school stuff, do you wanna maybe play with some legos? I’m pretty sure we have some in the other room if you wanna go look?” 

Tommy didn’t even acknowledge that Hercules had spoken. “Why is it not okay to be little?” 

“Its okay for  _ you _ .” Alexander sighed, “but I shouldn’t be doing it, it's just weird and wrong. I mean,” He began to back peddle, “Its okay for you, its a coping thing and I understand that but I just shouldn’t be-” 

“What makes me different from you?”

 

“What?”

 

“I’m little, and its okay, but you’re little and its not? That doesn’t make sense you’re just being dumb.” 

Alex rose to his feet and made a show of rolling his eyes, “You’re just a kid, what do you know.” 

“More than you. Duh.”'

 

Okay so maybe this Tommy did still have some Jefferson in him. 

Without retorting, Alexander picked up his things and locked himself in the main bedroom. 

  
  
  


When Tommy had been picked up a few hours later, Herc jimmied the door open and stepped inside. Alexander sat in the center of the bed, wrapped in blankets and typing away. Honestly Herc’ didn’t expect any different. 

Wordlessly Herc climbed into the bed and sat next to the blanket cacoon that Alexander had made for himself and leaned against it. Unsure if Alexander could feel his physical presence through it all Herc’ only hoped it could be of comfort.  

 

“Alexander, babe.” 

The typing stopped and Herc’ felt the weight of Alexander pressing against him. 

“What's going on, you know I love you, I just want you to be happy, you’re the one always going on about how communication is important in relationships. So  _ communicate _ .” 

 

“I regressed in public Herc.” 

 

“At the library? But that was months ago…” 

“Yeah, but it happened. I regressed, if Thomas hadn’t been there I don’t know what would have happened. And even with Thomas there Aaron saw me. Fuck I pissed myself, I literally pissed myself! That's not okay!” he could feel his throat tightening as he spoke, tears prickling behind his eyes. 

“It’s  not okay.” 

“And hurting your self is?” 

 

“What?” Alexander started. “I’m not-” 

 

“How long have you been pushing down you’re regression? This whole time? It's not good you. If you don’t need to be little that's fine. But if you’re pushing it down for no good reason then what are you doing if not hurting yourself?” 

 

Alexander said nothing. 

He fought to hold onto any sense of control that remained.

He opened his mouth to speak, but no sound came out.

He took in a deep breath. 

He released it. 

He let the tears fall. 

He let out a sob. 

Then another. 

 

Then he was crying and his daddy’s arms were around him and he was being held and being told that everything was going to be okay and that it was okay to cry and so he did. He gasped in big choking sobs and a pressed his face into his daddies chest and soaked it with his tears and he just kept crying. He cried until he couldn’t anymore. He cried until there was only the quiet, the silence after the storm. The feeling of being held and knowing he was safe. 

There would be things to talk about. Words that had been left unsaid, words that he had refused to allow himself to say words that he could not even begin to imagine he would express within the limitations of language. But they would be said. But for now he was just Alex, and his daddy was holding him. His Papa would be home soon. And Doudou would be bringing home pizza for dinner. 

 

Everything was going to be okay. 

 

**Author's Note:**

> Now that I look back at it this could really be fleshed out but I've already done everything to post it on Ao3 and I'm a lazy peice of crap so I hope you guys enjoy this.   
> If you do please let me know.   
> If not well,,, let me know. 
> 
> hmu on tumble @That_Jett_Kid


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